How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
