Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Randomize
