At least make sure they are 18
Why
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
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