It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
