why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
