closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
