Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
