I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
