It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
