I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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