i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize