You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
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