The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
