I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Randomize
