Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
