??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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