dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
