she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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