he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Randomize
