around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I could fuck to npr.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
