So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Girls should come with a carfax report
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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