They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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