My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
