I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
