3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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