I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
