but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
