Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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