my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
