I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
