Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Floor bacon is actually really good
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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