i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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