How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Randomize
