I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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