Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
