So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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