What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
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