im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
