I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
