We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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