If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
