Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
