Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
