You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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