When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
