What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
