How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
