He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
