you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
His hands were made for my vagina.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
