Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
