Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
